Redemption
by ashlice
Summary: Brooke looks back on the night Lucas told her he had proposed to Peyton. She finds herself somewhere interesting, speaking the truth finally, except when it counts.


**Author's Note: So, I KNOW that I have not updated my BL fanfic since this summer, but I am still writing it. I just haven't uploaded in a while (let's blame school for that!). Anyway, I needed some inspiration to continue it, and I've been wanting to write a BL one shot, especially about this moment. I like how it turned out, it broke my heart a little to write it. One of the defintions of the word "redemption" is "atonement for guilt", I hope you can figure out where that fits in.**

If she had just hesitated, just a little bit. If she'd caved that night, thinking neither of them would remember it, maybe things would be different. Because she knew, Brooke Davis _knew_, that she would have remembered it. He told her she should stay, kissed her for the first time in years. And what did Brooke Davis do? She walked away.

She told him he was making a huge mistake, when in reality she went and endorsed the real mistake. She couldn't help herself though, because when she was younger she talked herself into believing what everyone else believed: that the girl of _her _guy's dreams was not her. It was a cruel lesson to learn, made worse by the fact that she had to learn it the hard way, she had to teach it to herself.

So she made up her mind, after mulling this over for quite some time. Except, she waited a little too long. She was going at the worst time but she felt she had to be there. How could she not be?

"Hey there." Her voice was soft and quiet, the breeze could have carried it away.

Only it didn't, because he looked up.

"What in the world?" His voice was loud, he stood up and wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Brooke."

"Lucas." His name felt foreign on her lips, he'd been off the radar for a while and she'd been doing her best not to say it. It wasn't for her benefit though, that she didn't say his name, it was for Peyton's.

"Crazy girl, what are you doing here?" he asked her. A genuine smile was on his face as he brushed the hair out of her eyes.

"Nice to see you Brooke." Andy, Lucas's mom's old boyfriend, waved at her from a few feet behind Lucas. "I'll give you two a minute." He walked down the pier where they stood, Brooke waited until he was out of earshot to talk.

"I thought I'd come and see you." She had originally had a plan, some very well thought out words to say. And it's not like she forgot them, no, she knew them all by heart. She rehearsed how this very moment would go in her head. But suddenly the words didn't fit. Her script didn't fit the movie.

Lucas cocked his head to one side. "Brooke, you know me well enough by now, and I know you even better than that. You always let me grieve alone."

"Maybe I'm not here to talk about what happened." To talk about how he got left at the altar. To talk about how everyone thought it was for the best, how the right girl was still sitting in Tree Hill, waiting for Lucas Scott. How her blonde curls would fall all over her face as she jumped and laughed with happiness when he finally realized he'd made a mistake, when he finally came back to her.

At least, that's what everyone thought. Did Brooke think so too? She could never really be sure.

"Then what are you here to talk about?"

She breathed in, and for the first time in a while, did not think about what she said. "I just wanted to sit with you for a little bit."

He studied her face for a few seconds. She had no idea what he was getting from it, or if he could read her all. She did her best to look passive before giving up. Her resolve shook as her arms went around his neck and she hugged him tightly.

"Please tell me you could use my company." She whispered.

"Always." He took her hand as they sat down on the edge, their feet dangling above the water.

"I know I said I wasn't going to talk about what happened, but just so you know, if _you _wanted to talk about it--"

"I know who to go to.' He smiled at her, squeezing her delicate hand in his strong one. They were silent for a few moments, Lucas did not release her hand. Brooke was glad, it made her feel like he wanted her there. "Brooke?"

"Yeah?"

"When was the last time I really heard you laugh?" His question was a surprising one, it caught her off guard. After all, she'd come to talk about him, not herself.

But she remembered it, a very happy day that ended on a very sad note. At least for her. She'd been thinking about that earlier, right before she saw him.

"It was when we saw each other for the first time in a while. Do you remember? You told me you'd proposed to Peyton, and then you showed me the ring."

"And everyone thought we were the ones getting married." He chuckled, which instantly made her happier, knowing that the memory was a good one for him.

"I laughed so much that night. I guess it was because I was living out a fantasy that I'd buried years before. It was nice opening that box one last time." Her voice was back to the quiet tone it had when she had first arrived.

He turned to look at her, before bursting out into genuine laughter. "You got me pretty drunk, didn't you? I can barely remember what happened after our carriage ride."

Well, she remembered. She wondered if she should tell him…what would she win? He would probably tell her she was right in not spending the night with him. He'd tell her that even thought he had been drunk, he'd meant what he'd said, that he was lost without Peyton.

"It's pretty hazy." She lied, looking down at their hands, still intertwined.

He saw right through it, of course. "I kissed you."

Her head snapped up. "You remember?"

He nodded his head. "Why didn't you stay? Did you want to?"

A quick surge of anger shot up through her. How could he ask her that? Didn't he know he was just pouring salt on an old wound? One that still hurt more than any other.

"What if it were Lindsey? Would you have stayed? Would you want to?"

Ouch. That one got him. He let go of her hand, stood up and started to walk away. She quickly scrambled up after him, regretting her biting words.

"I'm sorry Luke. I just didn't want to answer."

He stopped in his tracks, ten feet ahead of her thanks to those long basketball player legs. When he turned around to face her, his expression was not an angry one. It was hurt.

"I miss her Brooke." Here it was, they were going to talk about Peyton.

"I know, she misses you too." Her words caught in her throat. She felt like she was giving him up again, except this time he wasn't really hers to give. She wondered if he really ever had been.

"How do you know?"

"Come on Luke, everyone knows. It's why everyone's waiting for you to come back for her. Now that Lindsey's gone--"

"Wait, what? Who are you talking about?" He was perplexed. Brooke raised an eyebrow.

"Peyton. Who are you talking about?"

"Lindsey. I miss Lindsey, Brooke." Silence enveloped them after these words.

"Oh." Was all she could say. She felt stupid for breaking the silence without something comforting to say.

"I miss her almost as much as I missed you." he said. "A new wound reopens an old one."

"I'm sorry." She was doing it again, not adding anything to the conversation.

"For what?" His eyes lit up, like he knew what she wanted to say. That old fire between them was suddenly burning again. He took a few steps towards her. Tears were welling up in her eyes, she was finally going to do it, she was going to say everything.

"I'm sorry that Lindsey left you. And I'm sorry that you don't love Peyton."

From the look on his face, they were both disappointed in what she had to say.


End file.
